K: Just when you thought Hancock had the strangest plot twist of 2008 here’s come the most unpleasantly snappy incomprehensible plot of the year. Many top movie critics seem to agree.
E: But we’re the only “critics” whose opinions matter here. And I wouldn’t say unpleasant nor incomprehensible. The audience is challenged to work and think for three quarters of the movie to understand what’s going on. That could be a turnoff for some.
S: So quickly here’s what the movie is about…because none of the cast was letting us know in their many interviews. Something bad happens to man because of man. Man is sad. Man feels he has to make up for previously mentioned event. Man meets girl and falls for girl, kinda complicating and kinda helping man’s quest. Crazy shizzle goes down. End of movie.
K: When the movie finally clues you in on “what” is causing Will Smith to help these strangers you’ll say: “I wasted two hours of my life seeing that? (insert expletive here) you Will Smith!”
E: Why are you so mad at Will Smith? Bad “Fresh Prince” memory? Are you more of a DJ Jazzy Jeff fan? I think the Smith performance was passing. He played a man willing to make a major sacrifice to amend for a dark moment in his past.
S: What I’m hearing is K is thinking Will Smith is “Old and Busted” not “New Hotness.” Yes, I prefer Men in Black.
E: Rosario Dawson was o.k. Woody Harrelson’s performance was forgettable. Nobody sucked and nobody shined.
S: I thought the guy from 61* was good…the doctor or lawyer guy that was friends with Will Smith’s character for a long time.
K: Now that I’ve calmed down from my Mike Singletary rant (drumroll please)…
E: You mean the drumroll from the beginning of “Summertime?”
K: I hereby give Seven Pounds my first POS recommendation. Everyone, even Will Smith fans, must ban themselves from seeing this turd of a movie at the movie theaters.
E: BAN THEMSELVES? I wouldn’t go there. Put it on the Netflix list or see it at the dollar theatre. Ban? I’d ban Will Smith fans from listening to “Nightmare on My Street” but not this movie.
S: And I’m in between both of you…I’d give it a ‘See it on HBO’ recommendation.
K: The one thing we all agree on is jelly is for toast, but jellyfish aren’t good pets.
Review: Mixed, however we do agree, parents just don’t understand!